It's been a year

Today the kids and I went to Manch to attend a basket making course. I went last year, one of the highlights of my year, and made my much used and loved farmer's market basket. Karen, the tutor, was happy for me to bring the kids along and she even provided a babysitter in terms of her teenage daughter. It was a wonderful day, we were there for 7 hours and I had to drag the kids away from it. It is a place of fresh air, peace, excitement and adventure. Pure imagination fuel. I have pictures of today, but I really want to write about something else....

Karen brought craft things and crayons for the kids

they went pond dipping

shared picnic lunch

the classroom

cob oven

the air is so clean here everything is covered with lichen

entrance to the walled garden

apples ripening in the orchard

willow tunnel

hide in the apple orchard

pond

rebe made this sweet crown for one of the ladies there whose birthday it was

boat play

our finished creations: my basket, Benny decorated a ready made base, Rebe's 'fish' plate

It's been a year.

It's been a year since I told Andy I wanted to separate from him.

It's been a year since my dear friend Lucy drove a 4 hour round trip to come and get us and take us to her house.

It's been a year since I got a phone call, late at night, from the police.

It's been a year since I started using the mantra 'Just breathe' to get through each moment.

It's been a year since I had to find a way to tell the kids that 'Daddy's feelings have gotten all muddled, they are so muddled that he's not okay anymore'.

It's been a year since my mum got on the first flight she could to come and be with me when I got home.

It's been a year since I have started really listening to my inner voice. Since I have learnt to trust my intuition and deeply know that 'the Universe has my back'.

In this year I have learnt to be a single parent.

I have done every bedtime, every school run, every breakfast.

I have made all decisions about my life alone.

I have learnt how to ask for support when and where I needed it.

I have had so much help, from friends and family, from my wonderful counselor. I have been supported by my neighbours and people I don't even really know. 

I have received the biggest gifts of my life this year and I have learnt so much. 

Learning to know myself, learning to meditate, learning to listen to my inner source and to believe in myself.

I have found my way back to my true self. She who is strong. She who is vulnerable. She who is calm. She who can make choices. She who is vegetarian. She who can have fun. She who gets tired. She who holds no resentment or ill will for anyone. She who is a mother, and a friend, and a woman and a human all at the same time. She who is creative. She who is inventive. She who is sexy. She who is beautiful. She who can grow things in the garden. She who can nourish herself and her children. She who is healthy. She who is.

And life is good. Truly and deeply good. I am asking for what I truly want and I am receiving it. What is meant for me is finding me and it is such an exciting place and time to be alive. And that is how I truly feel. Alive.

I am thankful for this year. The pain I have learnt and grown from, the friendships and love that have carried and supported me. The path that is so brilliantly lit ahead of me.

I know this next while is going to be equally as full of challenges and joys. But I welcome it with an open mind and an open heart.

It's been a year and what a year it has been.

holding space

Oh what fun I have had making this little family of dolls.

On Tuesday, when the post office opens again after the bank holiday the dark haired doll will be on her way to Shetland and the other two will be setting off for Tasmania. The dolls were commissioned from me by a long time reader of this blog. The 2 sister dolls are for her children. I worked from pictures from her own blog to help me capture the essence, likes and spirit of the girls. The dark haired doll is a gift for her mother, made in the image of 'mam' as a little girl.

I had so much fun working from vintage pictures, trying to match the look and feel of the doll to the era in which 'mam' grew up. 

 Her forest green wool coat, was a delightful challenge and I hope 'mam' will recognize her own, childhood coat in it.

This evening I finished knitting for another little boy doll who has been on my list and now I have 4 more dolls ahead of me that I have promised to make.
I stopped taking orders in October last year and this evening I counted how many dolls I made. There were 40 on the list, not counting the 2 doll house families and others that I made for sale in the shop and for gifts. That is a lot of dolls, and a lot of hours crafting.
Because of my family situation, and because of the fact that I need to give my complete attention to doll making when I am doing so, I only work in the evenings when the children are in bed. This means that for nearly a whole year, apart from a few evenings off for tiredness or illness I have worked on Waldorf dolls, every evening for nearly a year.
As I mentioned I stopped taking orders in October, I wasn't sure why, but as I was working through the list I  didn't have an inclination to take on any more. For the last month or so I have felt more and more strongly that I am going to stop. Perhaps for just a while, perhaps for longer, perhaps I will only make dolls for exchange or gift in the future. I don't know, but I do know that I need to hold some space for myself.
I'm excited by the prospect of having my evenings free for myself. There are lots of things I want to make and do for myself. I have yarn to knit myself some sweaters and leg warmers, I have fabric to sew skirts with. I have yoga I would like to do, books to read and films to watch. I have a garden calling to me to spend time in and perhaps a few dinner parties to give.
So, I am taking a break, holding space and enjoying the last few dolls on my list.
I thank everyone for their support and encouragement in my doll making venture and who knows what will come of the space I am holding (I may even just start doll making again lol).

knitted waldorf doll wig tutorial

ETA: this tutorial has been removed as I have decided to make it available as part of a full waldorf doll making tutorial available for sale in my etsy shop. To purchase this and other Under Rainbows Patterns please visit my shop: https://www.etsy.com/ie/people/UnderRainbows

teeny, tiny bunny doll

Hello, sorry I've been away but life has been so full (in a good way) and also my camera battery was refusing to hold any charge so I was without it for a week or so. I got a new one today and will be boring you stupid with pictures of the dolls I have been working on for the last week or so (and I actually got loads done!)

Rebe has a very sweet and lovely pen friend that we are hoping to meet in person this spring. The pair of them send each other the sweetest letters and bits and pieces. Her mama saw the tiny bunny doll that I made a few weeks ago and wanted to know if I was thinking of making any more, so Rebe and I put our heads together and made this for Lily.

A felt egg, hand embroidered with so much care and love by Rebe and inside:

 a teeny, tiny bunny doll!

 She has a little wire frame so is pose-able. Her wee body is made of soft, soft brushed cotton and her bunny hat and tail is knitted out of white mohair. Her hat comes off and underneath she has a head of soft brown mohair :-)

Peek!
I hope that Lily will enjoy her as much as Rebe and I loved making her :-)

surviving chicken pox

Oh my poor wee babies! Rebe and Joa have had a serious dose of chicken pox. 

I knew that with Rebe in particular it would not be a pleasant experience. She is so sensitive anyway and her skin is definitely her most important and delicate sense organ. At times over the past few days she has literally been pacing the floors, screaming and shouting and crying. Begging for me to make it stop, saying she will give anything just for 2 minutes of feeling ok. 

The first day was pretty ok, the spots scattered and blistery. 

St Nicholas had been in the night which considerably cheered spirits:

We spent the day at home making Christmas presents:

We thought we'd turn our hand to being sweetie makers this year so we chose 3 recipes from this book:

First we made an army of coconut mice.

Rebe was starting to feel very tired so we popped her bit into the fridge while she went to lie down. The boys and I carried on until we had no mixture left.

 Then while the boys were sleeping in the afternoon Rebe and I made toffee:

and fudge.

The day after that was the half marathon (did I tell you I ran a half marathon? ;-P) and the kids were just too poorly to leave the house so Andy came here to look after them. That night Rebe got about 2 hours sleep, so then next day we were all exhausted. Andy came over again and cheered them a little, then took to boys out for a little walk, which helped a lot.

 In all the desperate itching and sore tummies and temperatures we found a few wee islands of relief:

a package from Germany with love

calamine lotion, lavender and baking soda baths

Books! Oh how we have read, it was, for Rebe, better than any cream or ointment or medicine. All the while we were reading the itching eased so we read both of these lovely books cover to cover (twice) and really enjoyed them...even at 3.45am!

 hoovering helps :-)

 This morning I knew Rebe was feeling so much better, she came running down stairs and sang out 'good morning!' After breakfast she headed off upstairs to do some crafting. If there is ever a sign of feeling good it's the return of creativity!

 So this afternoon we carried on with our Christmas presents:

 wrapping them up in little bundles and tie-ing them with yarn

 These are our finished presents complete with little tags made from last years recycled Christmas cards.

Joa is still really struggling, he has them all in his eyes and in his mouth. I hope though that he has a good sleep and will feel a bit better tomorrow...but for now next week is cancelled :-)