|Clothes Joa 'needed' for Bluey|
|Joa's chocolate cake|
|always a place to breathe deeply|
Some days I am on top of the world, I feel the firmness of the rope beneath my feet. I look ahead and smile and think 'hell yes I can do this'.
Other days the rope wobbles, the juggling balls are awkward and want to do their own thing, I feel at any moment like I will fall and it will all come crashing down around me.
I try really hard to make sure that everyone has their needs met.
That when someone is sick they get the loving care that they need.
When someone is feeling bad that I have the time to put them on my knee and rock them.
I try to make sure everyone has three good meals a day and at least clean-ish clothes.
I try to do homework with each child, all at different levels and different abilities (mostly all at the same time). I try to make sure each child has access to friends to play with and activities to stimulate and drive them.
I try to make sure we have quiet times, that we have celebrations and loud times, that we spend time with other people, that we participate in the community. That the house is somewhat tidy, that there is food in the cupboards and washing on. That we spend time outside and time creating.
I try very hard and most of the time it all works and I can do it, but wow it can be exhausting and times I just crash.
But I have my safety net, Garry, who is there to catch me, there to send me to a bath or take the little ones out to give me some space. Who makes dinner when I am tired, or makes sure the kids help with their chores. He is always there to hear me out whether it is a moan or a rant or an inspired idea.And he is always there when I just need a hug and a few sweet words of love and encouragement.
And I try and keep it real, I know that what I am doing is good enough, even if sometimes I feel like I am just chasing my tail.
I know the kids are all healthy and happy and are so, so loved.
I know that a time will come again when I can do more for myself, and I try to snatch moments of time in my day for me. A walk with a friend in the morning, a couple of rows knitting while the babies nap and the biggies are in school, a quiet coffee first thing in the morning before anyone else comes down stairs, and a few pages of my book in the bath at night before bed.
It's a juggling act alright, but one I wouldn't change for the world.